Why Spotted Salamanders Don't Make Good Pets

Our 6" long eastern spotted salamander.

Despite having a ready made pet name, namely "Spot", the eastern spotted salamander does not make a good pet. Sad but true. We researched this extensively after finding one in our yard doing a little gardening. In the spirit of David Letterman, here are the top ten reasons why spotted salamanders don't make good pets.

10. They live under ground most of the time.

9. They only come out at night when pet owners are usually asleep.

8. They only breed in ponds, making the mating trek to their breeding pond one night in the Spring when conditions are just right. (Not sure why this disqualifies them from being a pet.)

7. Their yellow spots can make a baby cross-eyed.

6. Since they're black and only come out after dark, it's easy to step on them when you get up to go to the bathroom late at night.

5. They're cute (for an amphibian) but not as cute as a golden.

4. They can regenerate a limb should they lose one, and that's just creepy.

3. If threatened they can secrete a poisonous fluid. Creepy and disgusting.

2. It's very hard to find salamander kibbles in the pet food section of the supermarket.

And now the number one reason spotted salamanders don't make good pets:

They can't be trained to fetch a stick if you throw one in the pond.

In other unrelated news, Nella our mutt caught and killed a squirrel out on the deck today. One down, millions to go. We have finished gutting and remodeling our upstairs bathroom without a.) a heart attack or b.) a divorce. It looks very nice, but the project kept me from posting to the blog, and for that, I apologize. Tomorrow I'm off to Benin for a two week stint in order to pay for a portion of the bathroom remodel. The irony of this is really quite stunning. I'm going to work in a place where there is running water only 2 hours a day (no hot water) and only pit toilets, so I can pay for the super-duper bathroom remodel. I can only pray that I don't get cholera.