Wednesday, February 4, 2009

How Cold Is It?

Our recent heat wave has given way to some bone numbing cold as a cold air mass has descended on us thanks to the good graces of our Canadian neighbors.  In no particular order then, here are some answers to the question in the title of this post.

It's so cold the camera froze up when I tried to take pictures for this post.

It's so cold that not only will the car not start, it implodes as soon as you turn the key.

It's so cold you can't speak while outside or your tongue freezes solid, swells up, and you suffocate.

It's so cold the dogs are watching videos on how to use a toilet so they won't have to go outside for a walk.

It's so cold the trout in the pond are wearing sweaters.  They'd start a fire, but they live under water.

It's so cold you have to dress in 26 layers to go outside and 12 or 13 if you remain indoors.

It's so cold they're thinking of extending the Kelvin scale into negative numbers.

It's so cold even Florida is beginning to seem mildly appealing.

It's so cold that exposed skin can get frostbite within 5 minutes.  And that's in the house!

It's so cold that each increase of 1 mph of wind speed increases the wind chill by a factor of 1 million.  (Or maybe more.  I mean, who knows when it's this cold?)

Those are just a few examples of how cold it is.  I'd list some more, but it's just too damn cold!

2 comments:

Jen at Cabin Fever said...

My dogs frustrate the living crap out of me... they refuse to go outside when it gets this cold (which I don't blame them) but then I have to stand freezing with them, hoping they will.

Too bad I have beagles and can't trust them to stay in the yard if I let them out on their own.

Flatlander said...

Actually I took an unfair swipe at my dogs. They'll go out in the worst weather to include this freezing cold. They pester me all day to go out and will stay out over an hour before their paws get too cold.